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Storytelling "The Cave"A

"The natives had often spoken of the mysteries of this cave" (Image source)
August 8, 1878
After what seems to have been nearly three months of arduous travel, and having been afflicted with various diseases and problems of all sorts and species, we have finally arrived in the fabled jungle land of South Asia.  We had been directed after landing in the British consul in Thailand to head directly inland, as far as we could, travelling north.  We have earnestly endeavored to go as north as the land would permit us, but at last we have reached what seems to be an impassable ravine with a roaring river below.  It will likely take some time to find a suitable location to cross this treacherous cliff, and our native guides seem increasingly uncomfortable the deeper we have gone into the heart of the jungle.  Despite the presence of several nearby villages, the natives insisted that we should not linger for long in our temporary encampment.
August 9, 1878
Despite some difficulty with the rain, we were able to finish setting up our temporary encampment and I ordered some of the cartographers to immediately begin surveying the land nearby.  Our poor guides seemed hopelessly disappointed to discover that we had no intention of leaving, but a few more coins in their greedy little palms seemed to calm their fears quite quickly.  The rain has let up but it is still miserably hot and the mosquitos do not appear to be letting us rest.
August 10, 1878
One of our cartographers made quite a discovery this morning.  He and his team had begun to follow an ancient road that winds through the steep hills.  Suddenly, rounding a bend, a large and impressive cave was before him.  It appeared to be quite deep and upon seeing it, the guides immediately ran in fear.  The native’s reaction disturbed my men before anything else, but they resolved to begin exploring the chasm as soon as possible.  As soon as they began to descend however, a gust of wind extinguished their torches simultaneously, and the dampness prevented the men from relighting them.  They marked the spot and we are all going to return tomorrow.
August 11, 1878
One of the natives fearfully shared that the cave was cursed, but that it held great riches.  Of course, we rejected his foolish superstitions but decided to pursue the possibility of treasure anyway.  As soon as we began to descend, another great wind arose, almost as if it were coming from inside the cave itself.  The torches that some men held were immediately put out, but luckily our lanterns were protected from the strange breeze.  We descended carefully, with ropes carefully leading back to the surface.  It was quite cold but the strange wind was curiously warm, and we made great progress by the light of the few lanterns we held.  Suddenly, there it was.  A huge gleaming pile of gold, silver, ornate boxes, and jewels.  Sadly, it was another 20 feet further than our ropes could reach, and we resolved to return tomorrow to gather as much as possible.
August 12, 1878
Despite our eagerness, most of the men, myself included, have been overtaken by a strange some kind of illness, diphtheria possibly, although I hope to God not.  Hopefully it is merely something we ate, perhaps those breakfast sausages. We resolved to rest until we were healthy enough to continue the expedition.  The jewels are not walking off on their own.  The natives were sure that we had been cursed by some kind of evil spirit, but we laughed them off and already tonight several of us are feeling much better.
August 13, 1878
Disaster has struck us.  With longer ropes, some of the healthier men began descending into the cave.  I did not accompany them as my stomach was still quite weak.  Halfway down, they gave a terrible cry and suddenly the rope was loose.  We heard them hit the ground, and then our cries were answered only by silence.  Tomorrow, despite our continued infirmities, we must retrieve their bodies and as much of the gold as we can.  Perhaps the natives were right.
August 14, 1878
As we began again to descend into the cave, most of the men became violently ill, myself included, but despite the pain we pressed on to at least retrieve the dead men’s bodies and at the very least, a handful of treasure.  It was a gruesome sight that greeted us indeed, with the already rotting corpses laying on a pile of fine silver.  Our ropes held, but the closer we came, the worse our illness became.  At last, I was on the ground, but could barely stay on my feet for the pain in my head and abdomen.  I tied the rope to those unfortunate souls and they were swiftly hauled away.  We will give them a proper Christian burial in the morning.
As I stared at the pile before me, with the wind whipping around my ears and still doubled over in pain, I grabbed a handful of ancient looking gold.  Immediately, my hand burned, and I dropped the coins.  A redness was spreading across my hand and the pain I was experiencing seemed to double instantly.  My men, seeing my pain, hauled me back out of the cave, and I have spent the last several hours recovering from the ordeal.  Although I had discounted it, perhaps those natives were speaking the truth when they had muttered about a curse.  No matter, for tomorrow I will return to claim what is rightfully mine!

The entry of August 14 was his final entry.  His body was never recovered and the location of the cave they discovered remains unknown to this day.


Authors Note:  This story is based off of the tale “The Spirit Guarded Cave” from Laos Folk Lore, by Katherine Neville Fleeson.  In the original tale, it gives the account of how a beleaguered group of refugees in the early history of Laos were forced to leave their treasure behind in a cave.  They never returned to claim it, and the guardian spirits of the forest resolved to protect the cave forever.  In the story, it mentioned that “even the white men could not retrieve the jewels,” so I thought it would be interesting to write a story based off of their viewpoint.


Comments

  1. Blake, I really enjoyed the story-telling style you used here. It was easy to follow and was broken up into perfect size journal-like entries to keep your reader engaged. I also can see your love for travel in this which is really cool! I really like how you left the ending as well. Endings of uncertainty always get my brain going!
    Great story!

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  2. Blake,
    Wow, great storytelling! I thought you took a great perspective with the individual journal entries. This was not only creative, but it gives the audience a firsthand look into the experiences. I felt as if I were actually along for the adventure! I probably would have thought about the adventure similarly to how the captain thought - that the natives were perhaps just scared or superstitious...Imagine their surprise when the treasure actually seemed to be guarded! This almost had hints of Indian Jones or National Treasure. This main character would be great as Nicolas Cage.

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  3. Blake,
    Amazing storytelling. I like how you made the story journal entries, and broke up the dates as the adventure went on. The way you ended the story made me want to read more and that's always a good ending to me. Leaving a sense of wonder and questions often open up the world to conspiracies to take form which is always a good thing. It lets each person think of their own addition to the story and activates the imagination.

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  4. Oh wow! What an interesting way to write this story. Journal entries is a great idea, especially if we are following a character throughout a trip or journey. Basing off of what I read in your introduction, I am I glad you have taken your passion for traveling around and channeling it into writing stories. Your use of imagery is great, and us as the readers can really get a sense of the setting as we follow along with your character... great job!

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